Ask the experts: Jay Bruce edition

Jay Bruce arrived in the majors just one week ago, and he's already a first ballot Hall of Famer. His stat line is pretty amazing; 3 HRs, 184 RBI, 387 runs scored, 6 walks, my heart, named Super Duper Delegate. Just amazing stuff. The pundits are in unison, Jay Bruce is better than everyone. Let's take a look at what some of the most respected members of the baseball inner-circle had to say about The Bruce, shall we?

"Jay Bruce Almighty is just so goddamn rude. Gaaaah, the nerve of some people. Fuck. I've got 324 different nicknames and home runs calls to get in, but we can't go 8 fucking seconds without a Jay "Born in the USA" Bruce update. It's just so fucking rude. I'm sorry. Fuck. Hey, where'd Leather go? -- Chris Berman

"Did I ever tell you about the time Jay Bruce forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Bruce tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to hit wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the season my OBP hadn't tripled. Went up to .200." -- Corey Patterson

The key for Jay Bruce is the pitch up and in. It's his strength and weakness. He's got a quick enough bat, so if he can make contact, it's got a pretty good chance to fall in for a hit. If he's just a bit late, those odds decrease. How many guys in the league can crush the belt high fastball? Well, Jay Bruce can. -- Tim McCarver

"When I played, guys like Jay Bruce didn't exist. We had Tony Perez at first, who was about as good as it got. Davey Concepcion was the glue of our team. No one was better at fouling off the 0-2 slider than Davey. Jay Bruce, though, is another story. When he swings the bat, he makes things happen. You can almost feel when Jay Bruce is going to get a hit. Much like Barry Bonds or Jason Giambi. You just know. That's what makes baseball great." -- Joe Morgan

"Jay Bruce, you know his story. Reminds me of a young Jim Edmonds. Man, Edmonds can play. Stay tuned for the Best Sports Show Period, right after Reds live" -- George Grande

"Dude, man." -- Dusty Baker

"God laid some serious shit on the National League, man. If you're a pitcher, you just have to miz-an up a bit for me. Hang tiz-ight. Jay Bruce works for me, brother. He knows the business."-- Hulk Hogan

"I want Jay Bruce inside me" -- My buddy Steve